When you walk into a restaurant, they don’t give you any option in the world that you want. If you go to a Chinese restaurant, you can’t have Italian or Japanese food—it’s just a set of options within the realm of Chinese food. But they don’t give you one option. They give you multiple options.

It works with kids, too. If you tell your kids to put on their pants, they say no. If you tell your kids to put on their shirt, they say no. But if instead, you say, “Which do you want to put on first, your pants or your shirt?”, they’re much more likely to do what you want because they’ve had a volitional autonomy in that process. They’re much more bought-in so they’re going to buy into the outcome as well.